The Dark Spiral Dance

"I've been thinking too much (Help me)"Twenty One Pilots - Ride I'm a bad friend. Wait, maybe I should phrase that in a way that is nonjudgmental. I feel like I'm a bad friend. I'm what you would call an absent friend. I'm there, behind the scenes. I'm not on the front lines, going out … Continue reading The Dark Spiral Dance

The Borderline Battle

I'm stable but I'm struggling, if that makes any sense. My bipolar disorder is stable, but now my borderline personality disorder is raging. I'm battling with myself constantly, trying to stay level but it's getting harder to do so. At the moment, I am level. I feel logical and rational, but that won't last for … Continue reading The Borderline Battle

When You Have Intrusive Suicidal Thoughts

I was going through my Facebook memories yesterday morning and saw that two years ago I was having unwanted passive suicidal thoughts. I remember that day quite vividly. I was happy with my life but battling to maintain stability. I was fighting off a bipolar mixed episode and adjusting to a new dosage of my … Continue reading When You Have Intrusive Suicidal Thoughts

Living With Multiple Illnesses

Life is hard. It's difficult to navigate without directions and instructions, you have to figure it out on your own. You can't follow other's paths, for their journey is their own. You have your own path to follow, carved by the decisions you make every day. What happens when you're living with a mental illness? … Continue reading Living With Multiple Illnesses

So Long, And Thanks For All The Licks

Grief is a strange thing to experience. It comes in waves, it ebbs and flows. I was riding out my grief and just when I thought I was doing a good job of managing it and getting better, I got hit with a tsunami of grief. It's a thing. I lost my mother just over … Continue reading So Long, And Thanks For All The Licks

Dissociation Blues

I feel lost and disconnected. I find myself dissociating frequently, on a daily basis. I don't want to feel this way, I want to feel happy but I know I can't be happy all the time. I have to let myself feel the full spectrum of emotions, even the painful and negative ones. At the … Continue reading Dissociation Blues

Living with Grief

I'm having a bad day. It's just not my day, I guess. There's this heaviness that I can't escape, it weighs on my soul. It's been there since the day I got that fateful text about my Momma, on October 9th. She passed away on a Wednesday, October 10th. I've come to terms with her … Continue reading Living with Grief

2016 in Review

Oh, hello! *waves* I know, it's been forever! Too long, in my opinion. Where the hell have I been for the past year and a bit?! Nowhere extravagant or foreign, just the old and familiar setting of the caverns that is my brain. Mentally speaking, that is. Physically, I have been a hermit. I've stayed … Continue reading 2016 in Review

Strangely Stable

I think I'm lost. The signs keep telling me that I am on the right path, how do I get to my destination? I have only a moral compass, no map or GPS. Do I stay where I am until help finds me, or do I bravely (and blindly) forge my own path? I know … Continue reading Strangely Stable

My Diagnosis & Beyond • #MirandaLSAtkinson • @BiMommaBear • twitter.com/BiMommaBear • wp.me/p649Pa-8C

Written by yours truly xoxo ❤

@BipolarUs

My Diagnosis and Beyond

My name is Miranda, and I have Bipolar Disorder 2 (ultra-rapid cycling). I was diagnosed with it on January 9, 2012, after months of severe postpartum depression, and years of clinical depression/unipolar disorder. Along with my bipolar diagnosis was a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Apparently the two conditions tend to go hand in hand. I have read that many people feel shattered when they receive their diagnosis. Not me, it was like a breath of fresh air. It was as if the elephant of burden that sat on my shoulders decided to take a hike. I finally felt some relief, but it was short lived. What did my conditions mean? Where would I go from there? Would I ever be normal? What do I do now?

I dug my steel toes in and did some research. Ok, a ton of research. I went hypomanic researching my…

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