Gettin Ready To Give’r

I don't know what it is about the new year that gets me so motivated to turn over a new leaf. It's literally just me celebrating the earth doing a full rotation around the sun, and setting intentions based off of that. But I'm also Jewish, and Pagan, so I celebrate two other New Years …

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Catch Up Time

It's been quite a while since I've sat down to write. My mind has been a jumble of random thoughts and ideas, and I am finally going to write them down. I was last active in 2019/2020, and while I haven't been writing for my blog, I have been writing in various journals. Now that …

The Dark Spiral Dance

"I've been thinking too much (Help me)"Twenty One Pilots - Ride I'm a bad friend. Wait, maybe I should phrase that in a way that is nonjudgmental. I feel like I'm a bad friend. I'm what you would call an absent friend. I'm there, behind the scenes. I'm not on the front lines, going out …

The Borderline Battle

I'm stable but I'm struggling, if that makes any sense. My bipolar disorder is stable, but now my borderline personality disorder is raging. I'm battling with myself constantly, trying to stay level but it's getting harder to do so. At the moment, I am level. I feel logical and rational, but that won't last for …

When You Have Intrusive Suicidal Thoughts

I was going through my Facebook memories yesterday morning and saw that two years ago I was having unwanted passive suicidal thoughts. I remember that day quite vividly. I was happy with my life but battling to maintain stability. I was fighting off a bipolar mixed episode and adjusting to a new dosage of my …

Living With Multiple Illnesses

Life is hard. It's difficult to navigate without directions and instructions, you have to figure it out on your own. You can't follow other's paths, for their journey is their own. You have your own path to follow, carved by the decisions you make every day. What happens when you're living with a mental illness? …

So Long, And Thanks For All The Licks

Grief is a strange thing to experience. It comes in waves, it ebbs and flows. I was riding out my grief and just when I thought I was doing a good job of managing it and getting better, I got hit with a tsunami of grief. It's a thing. I lost my mother just over …

Dissociation Blues

I feel lost and disconnected. I find myself dissociating frequently, on a daily basis. I don't want to feel this way, I want to feel happy but I know I can't be happy all the time. I have to let myself feel the full spectrum of emotions, even the painful and negative ones. At the …

Living with Grief

I'm having a bad day. It's just not my day, I guess. There's this heaviness that I can't escape, it weighs on my soul. It's been there since the day I got that fateful text about my Momma, on October 9th. She passed away on a Wednesday, October 10th. I've come to terms with her …

2016 in Review

Oh, hello! *waves* I know, it's been forever! Too long, in my opinion. Where the hell have I been for the past year and a bit?! Nowhere extravagant or foreign, just the old and familiar setting of the caverns that is my brain. Mentally speaking, that is. Physically, I have been a hermit. I've stayed …