When You Have Intrusive Suicidal Thoughts

I was going through my Facebook memories yesterday morning and saw that two years ago I was having unwanted passive suicidal thoughts. I remember that day quite vividly. I was happy with my life but battling to maintain stability. I was fighting off a bipolar mixed episode and adjusting to a new dosage of my … Continue reading When You Have Intrusive Suicidal Thoughts

Living With Multiple Illnesses

Life is hard. It's difficult to navigate without directions and instructions, you have to figure it out on your own. You can't follow other's paths, for their journey is their own. You have your own path to follow, carved by the decisions you make every day. What happens when you're living with a mental illness? … Continue reading Living With Multiple Illnesses

So Long, And Thanks For All The Licks

Grief is a strange thing to experience. It comes in waves, it ebbs and flows. I was riding out my grief and just when I thought I was doing a good job of managing it and getting better, I got hit with a tsunami of grief. It's a thing. I lost my mother just over … Continue reading So Long, And Thanks For All The Licks

Dissociation Blues

I feel lost and disconnected. I find myself dissociating frequently, on a daily basis. I don't want to feel this way, I want to feel happy but I know I can't be happy all the time. I have to let myself feel the full spectrum of emotions, even the painful and negative ones. At the … Continue reading Dissociation Blues

Living with Grief

I'm having a bad day. It's just not my day, I guess. There's this heaviness that I can't escape, it weighs on my soul. It's been there since the day I got that fateful text about my Momma, on October 9th. She passed away on a Wednesday, October 10th. I've come to terms with her … Continue reading Living with Grief

2016 in Review

Oh, hello! *waves* I know, it's been forever! Too long, in my opinion. Where the hell have I been for the past year and a bit?! Nowhere extravagant or foreign, just the old and familiar setting of the caverns that is my brain. Mentally speaking, that is. Physically, I have been a hermit. I've stayed … Continue reading 2016 in Review

Strangely Stable

I think I'm lost. The signs keep telling me that I am on the right path, how do I get to my destination? I have only a moral compass, no map or GPS. Do I stay where I am until help finds me, or do I bravely (and blindly) forge my own path? I know … Continue reading Strangely Stable

My Diagnosis & Beyond • #MirandaLSAtkinson • @BiMommaBear • twitter.com/BiMommaBear • wp.me/p649Pa-8C

Written by yours truly xoxo ❤

@BipolarUs

My Diagnosis and Beyond

My name is Miranda, and I have Bipolar Disorder 2 (ultra-rapid cycling). I was diagnosed with it on January 9, 2012, after months of severe postpartum depression, and years of clinical depression/unipolar disorder. Along with my bipolar diagnosis was a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. Apparently the two conditions tend to go hand in hand. I have read that many people feel shattered when they receive their diagnosis. Not me, it was like a breath of fresh air. It was as if the elephant of burden that sat on my shoulders decided to take a hike. I finally felt some relief, but it was short lived. What did my conditions mean? Where would I go from there? Would I ever be normal? What do I do now?

I dug my steel toes in and did some research. Ok, a ton of research. I went hypomanic researching my…

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Story of Shirley

I am crawling out of my depressive hole. I've been struggling since last month, stuck between a mixed and severe depressive episode. Combine that with fibromyalgia pain that ebbs and flows, and financial stress. Makes for fun times. *rolls eyes* Today would be my daughter Shirley's 11th birthday, if she were alive. She was stillborn. … Continue reading Story of Shirley

Grabbing water drops from a waterfall of thoughts

I should be doing something. I don't know what, there's always something to do. I feel jittery, full of energy, but it takes so much effort to get off the damned couch. It's both irritating and confusing to feel this way. Do I run around the house full bore, cleaning and multitasking while forgetting where … Continue reading Grabbing water drops from a waterfall of thoughts